Married to Become One

Welcome back, family. Today’s subject is timely based on a number of conversations with people we’ve had over the past couple of months, both husbands and wives. Lately, as we’ve talked with couples, we’ve noticed a common thread in their language.

“Marriage is a lot of work.”
“Relationships are hard.”
“Relationships shouldn’t be this hard”
“I’m just tired.”

And if we’re honest, we understand where those words come from and why couples feel strained as they become one. Becoming one is not something that happens overnight or even over a few years. It is an ongoing process that is not always easy. Yes, marriage requires effort. It is true that relationships often stretch us. And sometimes, especially in seasons of stress or misunderstanding, love can feel heavy and even feel like a lot of work.

But consider this in those moments: Our earthly relationships are a reflection of our spiritual relationship with our Father.

Think about your conversion. Everything did not immediately change after we accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior. We commit to the presence and work of the Spirit in our lives once we become believers, but everyday was a choice to follow Him, stay committed, and to sacrifice more of ourselves everyday to make space for Him. And because God loves us, God patiently waits for our lives to adjust and make room for His presence. As we submit ourselves and actively practice spiritual disciplines to draw closer to God, we grow, we feel connected to Him, and we feel His continuing love. Beloved, this is the same process for covenant relationships.

So when we only describe marriage as work, we risk missing the beauty of what’s actually happening in our relationships, submitting ourselves to make room for our spouse to become one as God designed. I won’t go as far as saying that the process does not involve a lot of work. But the “work” is actual something deeper. It is each of us taking the time to grow, learn, understand, adjust, make room for, submit ourselves to choose and to demonstrate love, not a feeling but a living example, of God’s beautiful design for marriage. There is good news about the process and its overall transformation. Although growth can feel uncomfortable, discomfort doesn’t mean dysfunction. It simply means transformation is happening. And I promise you, all the “work” is worth it!

Reflection for couples: Before labeling this season of your marriage as “hard,” pause to ask the following questions: What are we learning about each other right now? Where are we being stretched to grow? What intentional action can I take this week to nurture connection instead of reacting to frustration?

Prayer: God, thank you for my partner in life. When our marriage feels challenging, help us see beyond the strain and recognize the growth. Teach us patience as we learn one another more deeply. Replace criticism with compassion and frustration with understanding. Renew our strength when we feel tired and remind us that our daily intentional choices are building something beautiful.

Help us nurture what You have joined together. Amen.