Promise To Love
Real talk family. Traditional wedding vows are beautiful but most of the familiar wedding vow language ("for better, for worse," "for richer, for poorer," etc.) is not quoted directly from Scripture. Traditional vows were developed over centuries by the Church to summarize biblical principles of covenant marriage. In fact, before wedding ceremonies, wedding bands, and traditional vows, Scripture gave couples a blueprint for what covenant love should look like.
A good example of a marital Foundational Biblical Principle (FBP) is Genesis 2:24 (NIV) "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." This is a promise to leave and cleave. It places the marital relationship as of greater priority than the relationship between parent in child(ren). Don’t misunderstand. There is great responsibility in becoming a parent. But as an adult, when you marry, you build a new family identity with your spouse. This vow is about prioritizing one another above all else, second to God alone. Because we’ve worked with many couples, we can attest that unhealthy boundaries or out-of-order relationships leads to great dysfunction and unnecessary marital strain.
Other biblical guidance for couples include Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." This is one of my favorites and is relevant to both spouses. This guidance ensures that personal selfishness does not lead to any marital mistreatment but totally opposite of that. This promise is sacrificial love. This guidance also includes acts of service, generous giving, and unconditional love. In my opinion, all the other vows can hang on this one scripture along - or better, for worse," "for richer, for poorer,” “in sickness, in health”, everything you say from traditional vows or vows you write for yourself.
And let’s not forget Romans 12:10 (NIV) "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." Honor influences so many aspects of our marriages including communication, conflict resolution, affection, and relationship behaviors. Many marriages didn’t end because love faded away but more because honor disappeared. Remember, love cannot be a fleeting emotion. You must choose to love, remain committed, and honor your vows (did you see my wordplay there?).
God’s Word is true, pure, and complete. Scripture even gave a roadmap for intimacy when we consider Hebrews 13:4 (NIV) "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure..." I personally feel this is a promise to protect our covenant emotionally, spiritually, physically, and sexually. It includes protecting ourselves and guarding our marriages. Faithfulness is more than just avoiding physical infidelity. It also represents emotional loyalty and connection.
And while there are many others to explore on your own, I’ll close with Colossians 3:13 (NIV) "Bear with each other and forgive one another..." Forgiveness protects the covenant from bitterness. Remember that there is only one who is perfect. His name is Jesus (not whatever your spouse is named!). We must practice grace, and forgiveness, first with our spouses, then everyone else. God’s Word teaches us that we all will experience trouble. Life is full of trouble. Marriages will experience trouble. But be encouraged. Christ overcame the world. We are overcomers too. Consider for a moment what God’s forgiveness has done for you. It redeemed you. Put you back in covenant with God. It released you from living in condemnation. It met you in your dirt and made you white as snow. No record or scorekeeping, just love. Do you see where I’m going with this. Think how much true forgiveness could change your marriage.
There is so much more. Search the scriptures. Don’t settle for just traditional vows. Again, there is so much more. I’ll leave you with this - Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV) "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Keep God in your marriage and take each day as a new opportunity to glorify HIM with your covenant. Love and blessings, j&c
To Love and To Cherish Til Death Do Us Part
Real talk family. There are many sacred promises hidden inside our traditional wedding vows. One of the most emotional moments for me is when I hear the couple promise “To love and to cherish, till death do us part” Often times, these words indicate we are coming to the end of the ceremony. But not before couples solidify their covenant, for a lifetime, in front of witnesses.
The magitude of our vows normally causes guest to grow quiet. People smile through tears as everyone anticipates the beauty of forever. “To love and to cherish, till death do us part” are promises meant to shape how people live, love, forgive, connect, and remain faithful to one another in their marriage for a lifetime. These words actually are evidence that love was never meant to be casual. As shared in one of my previous blogs, love should not be treated like a feeling that comes and goes. Emotions are too fleeting for that. When emotions are high, love feels easy until life becomes stressful. In fact, some people begin questioning whether love still exists at all when relationships require patience, sacrifice, and growth.
Review all of your vows again. Our traditional vows teaches us that marriage is not sustained by attraction or emotion. Covenant love was never meant to be casual, temporary, or shallow. Our vows share a promise of permanence, security, intimacy, and lasting connection. In fact, research from The Gottman Institute consistently shows that stable commitment strengthens trust, communication, and long-term relationship satisfaction.
Pray with me. Our father. Help us to love each other deeply, intentionally, and faithfully. Help us never treat our marriage casually or neglect the gift of one another’s presence. Show us how to cherish our spouse with patience, kindness, affection, honor, and grace. Strengthen our commitment through every season and help our love reflect safety, joy, loyalty, and covenant. Help our marriage be a reflection of you. Amen.
In Sickness and In Health
Some parts of our vows sound poetic on a wedding day. Because it is tradition, we recite vows before they become real. But these vows specifically, like the ones last week, are vows that life gives weight. And if I am honest, these vows are deeply personal in my own story.
Many of you that know us, know that we almost lost James. And that changed everything. But if you talk to our children, family, and close friends, they will tell you life changed for us early in our marriage when sickness changed our lives and family dynamic. Hospitalization and quietness in our home became routine as I went from specialist to specialist to find out what was happening to my body. Eventually, praise God, we learned our to manage our diagnosis to enjoy a good quality of life.
What does “In sickness and in health” mean? An example that I often share is an early memory of my marriage. As you know, music is an important element of our love story. James and I enjoyed Flashback festivals in Atlanta when they occurred annually back in the day. This particular concert, I know the Gap Band was scheduled to perform because they were one of my favorite groups (yes, I still enjoy Charlie Wilson to this very day.). But I had an episode right in the middle of the entertainment. I didn’t know what was happening because I was unconscious, but I remember clear as day that my husband picked me up to carry me across his shoulder to our car to get me out of the crowd to medical care right away. I remembered being carried.
What does “In sickness and in health” mean? To me, it means to be carried. Not only in the physical reality of my story and memory, but emotionally and all the things that goes with being a present partner through illness, disease, body aches and pains, simple or unimaginable. This part of our vows often creates perspective.The little things became little again and the unimportant things lost their grip.
Yes, life changed, way back when as well as when James’ trauma turned our world upside down. But God. I’m still managing my health. James is still here, living and doing well. Yes, there are things we lost. But what remains is gratitude. These experiences helps love to become sacred in a different way.
Yes, I still mourn some things.
But I rejoice even more because I was given another chance to walk beside the man I love. And I do not take that lightly. We live our vows daily. That is what “In sickness and in health” means to us.
Living our vows is covenant. Take some time to talk about the unexpected if this is a vow that remains a promise you haven’t been required to keep - yet (it will happen!). I encourage you to talk honestly about resilience, caregiving, support, and what faithfulness looks like when life becomes difficult. If you’ve experienced any aspect of this promise, even a common cold could make this vow seem real, take a moment to share one thing you deeply appreciated about how your spouse “carried” you and loved you through whatever you experienced.
Pray with me. Our Heavenly Father, Yahweh (Jehovah) Rapha, Thank You for sustaining love, marriages, and covenant through every season. Teach us to honor our vows with grace, patience, tenderness, and faithfulness. Help us to love one another as you love. Amen.