Gratitude Changes the Atmosphere of a Marriage
Did you know gratitude often has a quiet power that is beneficial to our relationships. When you show love and appreciation for the everyday, big and small things your spouse does, it builds connection and softens tension. Why is gratitude important? Because we all should remember that even everyday, ordinary tasks we do in our home for one another are acts of love.
When couples focus on what is positive, instead of what is negative, and what they are thankful for, instead of what is missing, something beautiful happens. Criticism loses volume as tenderness and connection increases. And while gratitude doesn’t ignore challenges, it helps minimize how challenges define your whole relationship.
In our own journey, I’ve learned that expressing appreciation to James lets him know that i don't take him for granted. It reminds James that his contributions matter. And the same for me. And that’s why I started the 10-day gratitude challenge.
Reflection Tip
The Organic Process of Connection
Connection is not automatic. It unfolds with acts of love that creates something positive and lasting. When you enjoy getting to know one another, everyday, regardless of how long you’ve known each other, is how you naturally create connection. But the journey is what creates the memories and the moments you eventually cherish. Then, before you know it, your connection leads to a serious relationship.
As couples begin living together, life is a lot different than dating. You’re in a different phase of learning one another. If you haven’t already, it is the important time to understand how your spouse processes conflict, the hot zones of their past and how a spouse’s past shapes their present responses. Take time to learn what makes them feel safe. Some of each other’s personal information becomes apparent as you grow and spend a lot of time together. It is the wonderful, organic process of connection.
The benefit of going through the process of connection, building a strong relationship, and learning how you both handle disappoint and challenges will allow you to survive, and even build relationship strength during difficult seasons. The process doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable. Yes, difficult seasons may require work in the sense of being intentional about two people coming together to make needed adjustments to grow. Understand that working to build a strong, healthy, thriving relationship may be tiring and even feel like work sometimes. But the good news is that you can get excited about the outcome because growth rarely feels effortless.
Married to Become One
Welcome back, family. Today’s subject is timely based on a number of conversations with people we’ve had over the past couple of months, both husbands and wives. Lately, as we’ve talked with couples, we’ve noticed a common thread in their language.
“Marriage is a lot of work.”
“Relationships are hard.”
“Relationships shouldn’t be this hard”
“I’m just tired.”
And if we’re honest, we understand where those words come from and why couples feel strained as they become one. Becoming one is not something that happens overnight or even over a few years. It is an ongoing process that is not always easy. Yes, marriage requires effort. It is true that relationships often stretch us. And sometimes, especially in seasons of stress or misunderstanding, love can feel heavy and even feel like a lot of work.
But consider this in those moments: Our earthly relationships are a reflection of our spiritual relationship with our Father.
Think about your conversion. Everything did not immediately change after we accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior. We commit to the presence and work of the Spirit in our lives once we become believers, but everyday was a choice to follow Him, stay committed, and to sacrifice more of ourselves everyday to make space for Him. And because God loves us, God patiently waits for our lives to adjust and make room for His presence. As we submit ourselves and actively practice spiritual disciplines to draw closer to God, we grow, we feel connected to Him, and we feel His continuing love. Beloved, this is the same process for covenant relationships.
So when we only describe marriage as work, we risk missing the beauty of what’s actually happening in our relationships, submitting ourselves to make room for our spouse to become one as God designed. I won’t go as far as saying that the process does not involve a lot of work. But the “work” is actual something deeper. It is each of us taking the time to grow, learn, understand, adjust, make room for, submit ourselves to choose and to demonstrate love, not a feeling but a living example, of God’s beautiful design for marriage. There is good news about the process and its overall transformation. Although growth can feel uncomfortable, discomfort doesn’t mean dysfunction. It simply means transformation is happening. And I promise you, all the “work” is worth it!