Does passion sustain itself alone?
I hope you missed me delivering my weekly blog. I was without my laptop mid-March and just decided it was too much to update this blog via phone (I’m still very old school). But I’m back. I'm excited about April blogs. We have a lot of good things to share. Let’s start this off talking a little more about passion in marriage. To have passion, chemistry must exist, right? Wrong.
Chemistry is magnetic. It pulls you in without effort. But what many couples eventually discover is that while chemistry is instant, presence, connection, and partnership is built over time. Partnership steadies love. This kind of steady love is lasting because it’s achieved through time spent building something special together. This kind of love includes patience with each other’s differences and most importantly, being fully present in the process. One of the things you will appreciate most about intentional presence is how passion matures as a result of it. Yes, passion.
While James and I had the natural passion that exists with good chemistry, we also experienced the deep passion that grows, lasts, and isn’t always rushed, but expected to be savored over a lifetime. A relationship full of passion is one of the greatest benefits of marriage. While sex is not the only consideration when you have a passionate relationship, your intimacy is so much better when you can guiltlessly satisfy the burn Paul talks about in I Corinthians 7.9 within covenant marriage. Real talk couples, really think about this. As your marriage becomes stronger, your love and passion become stronger as well. Imagine how great your passion is as you grow together over the years. Nothing we have sustains itself so don’t be confused about your role in the process. Every area of your marriage requires being intentional.
Reflection:
Work on a shared goal this week then pause and celebrate it together, fully present, with time, and permission to passionately show up for one another.
Also ask yourself: Are we giving your love time to grow or expecting it to sustain itself?
Prayer:
God, help us build a partnership rooted in patience and presence, where our love and passion can grow over time. Amen.
Gratitude Changes the Atmosphere of a Marriage
Did you know gratitude often has a quiet power that is beneficial to our relationships. When you show love and appreciation for the everyday, big and small things your spouse does, it builds connection and softens tension. Why is gratitude important? Because we all should remember that even everyday, ordinary tasks we do in our home for one another are acts of love.
When couples focus on what is positive, instead of what is negative, and what they are thankful for, instead of what is missing, something beautiful happens. Criticism loses volume as tenderness and connection increases. And while gratitude doesn’t ignore challenges, it helps minimize how challenges define your whole relationship.
In our own journey, I’ve learned that expressing appreciation to James lets him know that i don't take him for granted. It reminds James that his contributions matter. And the same for me. And that’s why I started the 10-day gratitude challenge.
Reflection Tip
The Organic Process of Connection
Connection is not automatic. It unfolds with acts of love that creates something positive and lasting. When you enjoy getting to know one another, everyday, regardless of how long you’ve known each other, is how you naturally create connection. But the journey is what creates the memories and the moments you eventually cherish. Then, before you know it, your connection leads to a serious relationship.
As couples begin living together, life is a lot different than dating. You’re in a different phase of learning one another. If you haven’t already, it is the important time to understand how your spouse processes conflict, the hot zones of their past and how a spouse’s past shapes their present responses. Take time to learn what makes them feel safe. Some of each other’s personal information becomes apparent as you grow and spend a lot of time together. It is the wonderful, organic process of connection.
The benefit of going through the process of connection, building a strong relationship, and learning how you both handle disappoint and challenges will allow you to survive, and even build relationship strength during difficult seasons. The process doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable. Yes, difficult seasons may require work in the sense of being intentional about two people coming together to make needed adjustments to grow. Understand that working to build a strong, healthy, thriving relationship may be tiring and even feel like work sometimes. But the good news is that you can get excited about the outcome because growth rarely feels effortless.