Choosing Love Every Day (Even when the feeling fades)

God's model of love

Here’s where we learned one of our most valuable lessons: Love, at its core, is a commitment to stay, serve, and believe in us

Let's continue to explore God's model of love for you to experience happy, healthy marriages that last because your foundation is strong. Feelings change and can’t be trusted as a foundation of love. But God’s design for love is based on an act of will and sacrifice, not fleeting desire. The most important element of this concept is an intentional decision to love in contrast to automatic feelings that you can't control.

James and I know how important understanding this model is for couples to create lasting relationships. We both experienced the pain of divorce. I'm not trying to minimize any marital situation that has caused anyone to consider divorce. I just want to encourage couples never to use a permanent solution to resolve a temporary problem. Couples will have conflict, difficulty, and seasons of disconnect. This is when every decision we make can strengthen our bonds of covenant despite the emotion we are temporarily experiencing. Feelings are fickle. If love depended on emotion alone, even the strongest relationships would crumble under life’s weight.

When James and I were newly married, there were days I wondered where the “easy” love had gone. We had been best friends for years, but suddenly as a couple, communication felt like we were nothing more than warring strangers. I remember thinking, “Who is this person I married and what happened to my best friend?”

But here’s where we learned one of our most valuable lessons: Love, at its core, is a commitment to stay, serve, and believe in us even when it’s hard to understand each other. Our difficult moments were not the end of love but the beginning of a deeper kind of love based on respect, commitment, and choosing God's way. We stopped being led by our feelings and started choosing faithfulness. We choose love daily now. I can't describe the blessing. I will say this: it is why we became marriage champions. We want others to experience a love like this.

Above all, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:14)

Practical Tip:
Start a new habit this week. Before each disagreement or decision, ask: “Will this choice show love?” If not, step back, pray, and reset your heart.