Remembering Love This Christmas
There are moments in marriage that don’t come with a date or a calendar reminder — moments that slip in quietly, so softly you almost miss them. But later, when you look back, you realize: This was the moment my heart understood what my vows meant.
For me, it happened early in our marriage after we decided to approach marriage differently, God's way.
James was sitting on the couch, tired from the day, yet peaceful. James is always the calm that is a steady anchor to my sometimes stormy intensity. I remember watching him for a moment, not as the friend I once confided in, and not even as the husband I was learning to navigate… but as the man God was using to teach me about love, marriage, and patience. We both were learning that marriage was something sacred. Not me and him, but us.
The edges of our individual lives were beginning to blend. No, things were not perfect, far from it, but it was evident that God was weaving us together thread by thread, breath by breath, choice by choice. I realized we were no longer two people trying to figure each other out.
Choosing Love Every Day (Even when the feeling fades)
Let's continue to explore God's model of love for you to experience happy, healthy marriages that last because your foundation is strong. Feelings change and can’t be trusted as a foundation of love. But God’s design for love is based on an act of will and sacrifice, not fleeting desire. The most important element of this concept is an intentional decision to love in contrast to automatic feelings that you can't control.
James and I know how important understanding this model is for couples to create lasting relationships. We both experienced the pain of divorce. I'm not trying to minimize any marital situation that has caused anyone to consider divorce. I just want to encourage couples never to use a permanent solution to resolve a temporary problem. Couples will have conflict, difficulty, and seasons of disconnect. This is when every decision we make can strengthen our bonds of covenant despite the emotion we are temporarily experiencing. Feelings are fickle. If love depended on emotion alone, even the strongest relationships would crumble under life’s weight.
Our Blended Family: Building trust in your children
If you’re in the first couple of years of marriage and wondering why it’s still tough, take heart — you’re not failing, you’re forming. Love and affection in family develop gradually through shared experiences in daily life, not just special occasions.