The Power of Choosing Love in Conflict
“Above all, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:14)
Couple in the storm under an umbrella hugging
Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, who has studied marriages for over 40 years, discovered that couples who are successful don’t avoid conflict but choose kindness, patience, and respect in moments when anger or pride could take over. Studies show the heartbeat of lasting marriages is choosing unity over ego. I dare say choosing a Godly approach to love, even when your emotions don’t align, results in a deeper, richer kind of relationship.
The choice is commitment to one another, even during conflict. Here’s something to remember about choice that sustains love: Stronger, Godly marriages are built on choosing what is right, not just what’s easy or convenient.
Some fundamental best practices for loving through conflict include:
1) offering grace instead of criticism.
2) Stay in the room rather than walking away unless you have an agreed upon timeout. It
3) Keep your vows not just with your words, but with your actions. This means honoring your routines and responsibilities even when you are angry or upset. An example would be to continue to make and serve your mate coffee, with a kiss, if that is an established act of service that you do in the absence of conflict.
4) Don’t avoid the conflict but choose to work through it together, using a team approach to strategize a solution.
Remember: when love feels effortless, it’s pleasant. But when love feels costly, it’s powerful. And when we choose to love in those difficult moments, in the midst of conflict, we are not just preserving our marriages but are reflecting the heart of God whose love for us never depends on how lovable we are.
Practical Tip:
When your emotions are all over the place, pause before reacting. Whisper a short prayer: “God, help me love beyond how I feel right now.” That small shift can change the entire tone of a conversation.
#SameTeam, #CovenantStrong, #MarriageGoals
