Real talk family. Traditional wedding vows are beautiful but most of the familiar wedding vow language ("for better, for worse," "for richer, for poorer," etc.) is not quoted directly from Scripture. Traditional vows were developed over centuries by the Church to summarize biblical principles of covenant marriage. In fact, before wedding ceremonies, wedding bands, and traditional vows, Scripture gave couples a blueprint for what covenant love should look like.

A good example of a marital Foundational Biblical Principle (FBP) is Genesis 2:24 (NIV) "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." This is a promise to leave and cleave. It places the marital relationship as of greater priority than the relationship between parent in child(ren). Don’t misunderstand. There is great responsibility in becoming a parent. But as an adult, when you marry, you build a new family identity with your spouse. This vow is about prioritizing one another above all else, second to God alone. Because we’ve worked with many couples, we can attest that unhealthy boundaries or out-of-order relationships leads to great dysfunction and unnecessary marital strain.

Other biblical guidance for couples include Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." This is one of my favorites and is relevant to both spouses. This guidance ensures that personal selfishness does not lead to any marital mistreatment but totally opposite of that. This promise is sacrificial love. This guidance also includes acts of service, generous giving, and unconditional love. In my opinion, all the other vows can hang on this one scripture along - or better, for worse," "for richer, for poorer,” “in sickness, in health”, everything you say from traditional vows or vows you write for yourself.

And let’s not forget Romans 12:10 (NIV) "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." Honor influences so many aspects of our marriages including communication, conflict resolution, affection, and relationship behaviors. Many marriages didn’t end because love faded away but more because honor disappeared. Remember, love cannot be a fleeting emotion. You must choose to love, remain committed, and honor your vows (did you see my wordplay there?).

God’s Word is true, pure, and complete. Scripture even gave a roadmap for intimacy when we consider Hebrews 13:4 (NIV) "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure..." I personally feel this is a promise to protect our covenant emotionally, spiritually, physically, and sexually. It includes protecting ourselves and guarding our marriages. Faithfulness is more than just avoiding physical infidelity. It also represents emotional loyalty and connection.

And while there are many others to explore on your own, I’ll close with Colossians 3:13 (NIV) "Bear with each other and forgive one another..." Forgiveness protects the covenant from bitterness. Remember that there is only one who is perfect. His name is Jesus (not whatever your spouse is named!). We must practice grace, and forgiveness, first with our spouses, then everyone else. God’s Word teaches us that we all will experience trouble. Life is full of trouble. Marriages will experience trouble. But be encouraged. Christ overcame the world. We are overcomers too. Consider for a moment what God’s forgiveness has done for you. It redeemed you. Put you back in covenant with God. It released you from living in condemnation. It met you in your dirt and made you white as snow. No record or scorekeeping, just love. Do you see where I’m going with this. Think how much true forgiveness could change your marriage.

There is so much more. Search the scriptures. Don’t settle for just traditional vows. Again, there is so much more. I’ll leave you with this - Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV) "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Keep God in your marriage and take each day as a new opportunity to glorify HIM with your covenant. Love and blessings, j&c