Our Blended Family: Building trust in your children

Children in blended families sometimes experience emotions that may feel like a tug-of-war. Some days your children may appear and act hopeful while other days they may be equally distant, angry, or confused. Don’t take it personal. Healing isn’t linear. Children of all ages require time to adjust to their new family structure. Acceptance and trust will occur, with time, when parents show patience, build connection, and create new family traditions and routines. Trust is the bridge that makes blending families possible.

Trust is built over time through consistent acts of love, kindness, and dependability, not through grand gestures. Instead of instantaneously, experts estimate it could take four to seven years for a blended family to feel unified. If you’re in the first couple of years of marriage and wondering why it’s still tough, take heart — you’re not failing, you’re forming. Love and affection in family develop gradually through shared experiences in daily life, not just special occasions. 

Create an environment of love and respect. While keeping your marriage a priority, ensure the children in your family also feel important. Allow children to spend quality time with their biological parent in addition to time together with all family members. Make every effort to keep communication open. Ask the children in your family how they’re feeling, and truly listen. Sometimes what they need most isn’t a solution — it’s reassurance that they’re seen, heard and loved.