Married to Become One
Welcome back, family. Today’s subject is timely based on a number of conversations with people we’ve had over the past couple of months, both husbands and wives. Lately, as we’ve talked with couples, we’ve noticed a common thread in their language.
“Marriage is a lot of work.”
“Relationships are hard.”
“Relationships shouldn’t be this hard”
“I’m just tired.”
And if we’re honest, we understand where those words come from and why couples feel strained as they become one. Becoming one is not something that happens overnight or even over a few years. It is an ongoing process that is not always easy. Yes, marriage requires effort. It is true that relationships often stretch us. And sometimes, especially in seasons of stress or misunderstanding, love can feel heavy and even feel like a lot of work.
But consider this in those moments: Our earthly relationships are a reflection of our spiritual relationship with our Father.
Think about your conversion. Everything did not immediately change after we accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior. We commit to the presence and work of the Spirit in our lives once we become believers, but everyday was a choice to follow Him, stay committed, and to sacrifice more of ourselves everyday to make space for Him. And because God loves us, God patiently waits for our lives to adjust and make room for His presence. As we submit ourselves and actively practice spiritual disciplines to draw closer to God, we grow, we feel connected to Him, and we feel His continuing love. Beloved, this is the same process for covenant relationships.
So when we only describe marriage as work, we risk missing the beauty of what’s actually happening in our relationships, submitting ourselves to make room for our spouse to become one as God designed. I won’t go as far as saying that the process does not involve a lot of work. But the “work” is actual something deeper. It is each of us taking the time to grow, learn, understand, adjust, make room for, submit ourselves to choose and to demonstrate love, not a feeling but a living example, of God’s beautiful design for marriage. There is good news about the process and its overall transformation. Although growth can feel uncomfortable, discomfort doesn’t mean dysfunction. It simply means transformation is happening. And I promise you, all the “work” is worth it!
Happy Romance Day
Real talk couples. Today is February 12, just two days away from expected, anticipated, and celebrated Valentines Day. For many, Valentines Day represents a national, even international, call for people to be intentional about connecting with love interest at all dating stages, including the beginning stage for those seeking coupling.
Are you planning something special? Are you among the many who wait for Valentine's Day to be intentional about planning a romantic evening, or better yet, just simply taking the opportunity to express your love and or affection, appreciation, and gratefulness for the special somebody in your life that you plan to acknowledge on February 14th. Let me encourage you to enjoy the national live day but to also resolve in your heart to create daily expressions of love and memories. Love is greatest when you truly share yourself, your space, and your life.
Relationships, expecially covenant relationships are about daily connections with one another to nurture your relationship to honor and glorify God. Daily connection also prepares your relationships for difficult seasons and challenges. It's like reaping and storing up your harvest to not only survive the famine, but to live without lack. Famine could be anything from health trauma, financial hardship, emotional distance, or anything that causes you to make a withdrawal to your love account (instead of the daily deposit you normallymake by being intentional to express love through connection every day of the year).
The Gift of Acceptance: Loving Who They Are, Not Who You Want Them to Be
The Gift of Acceptance: Loving Who They Are, Not Who You Want Them to Be
There is a quiet ache many people carry into relationships. It is the hope of being loved, paired with the fear of being truly known. To be known means to be seen. And to be seen means to risk rejection which is hard for all of us, regardless of our age, gender, or status. Yet, acceptance, real acceptance, is one of the greatest gifts love can offer.
This week’s blog will focus on the gift of acceptance. Acceptance is not loving someone for who they could be, your dream version of a person, or even the potential that you see. All of those ideas may be included in your love. But true acceptance means that you love them for who they already are, not who you (are them) want to be.
Long before James and I ever became a couple, we were friends. And even then, something about talking or being around James felt safe. I could talk. Really talk. This made it easy to share everything with James. I shared my disappointments, my hurts, my fears, and yes, even the parts of myself I believed made me unworthy of love. I never had to polish my story or protect my image. James would always listen without judgment. Always.
He never filtered what I shared through a critical lens. Never tried to fix me. Never made me feel small. I believe that kind of acceptance disarms you to allow you to be vulnerable for love to grow. I think love grew between us because we created a space where walls came down naturally. We created a space where honesty was possible and uninhibited. This allowed inner healing to begin without effort or performance.