Living Your Vows
Real talk: Think of traditional vows like the foundation of a home. On the outside, you see beauty represented by the landscape, architectural style, and color. This is represented by your ceremony, the rings, the reception. But underneath the look and beauty is where the important components exist. Foundational essentials include the beams, structure, and intentional design holding everything together. On our blog and social, we’ve been expanding our understanding of ceremony symbols, vows, and popular wedding traditions. In this blog, we’re gently pulling back the curtain on all the promises traditional wedding vows include.
For the most part, traditional vows include, more or less, the following promises. Some couples add their own vows, but many ceremonies include “I take thee, to be my wedded wife (husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”
Allow me to go backwards for us to understand the part of our vows that shows respect and honor. It’s the verbiage in the vow that indicates the bride, or groom, is entering sacred covenant publicly, intentionally, emotionally, spiritually, and legally. In fact, some couples recite this part of their vows with the word “lawful” added (lawful wedded wife, lawful wedded husband). The word lawful matters. It means this relationship is no longer casual, private, temporary, or undefined.
The word wedded means joined. Not temporarily connected but joined to be inseparable. You are connected in such a way where your life, your decisions, everything about you is now connected to the recipient of your vow. Real talk, marriage is the merging of lives. This is why selfishness becomes dangerous in marriage. Because once lives are joined, selfish decisions result in shared pain.
We’ve already explored vows through for better, for worse. Our next post, we’ll begin with for richer, for poorer. I would love to hear your thoughts about everything we’ve reviewed so far, and even, thoughts about vows overall. How do you honor your vows as you live in covenant.
Vows are for living after the ceremony ends
Real talk family: When we think about the part of our wedding vows that says “To Have and To Hold” we must consider the deep implication of acceptance, presence, and closeness. These words are about being entrusted with someone’s heart, life, vulnerability, tenderness, and truth (have). Its foundation is spiritual but also entails physical, emotional, and relational closeness with your mate for a lifetime (hold). The “have” aspect of our vows is related to entering into a covenant relationship that is exclusive. It signifies that you are taking your spouse and accepting them unconditionally.
From this day forward specifies a lifetime, a lifelong commitment in covenant relationship. The benefit of marriage includes the trust and safety each person is afforded in covenant relationship. It is more than an emotional commitment. You are not only connected by this vow, but, you spiritually build a life together, becoming one flesh under God’s design for marriage.
Covenant marriage is a relationship where love and togetherness is not only legal, but chosen daily, under God, no matter the circumstances, some of which are addressed and defined in other parts of our traditional wedding vows.
Imagine being loved in the truth of who you actually are. That is “to have and to hold” in its deepest form. I live in gratitude that James loves me this way. I have no fear of rejection, praise be to God.
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Gratitude Changes the Atmosphere of a Marriage
Did you know gratitude often has a quiet power that is beneficial to our relationships. When you show love and appreciation for the everyday, big and small things your spouse does, it builds connection and softens tension. Why is gratitude important? Because we all should remember that even everyday, ordinary tasks we do in our home for one another are acts of love.
When couples focus on what is positive, instead of what is negative, and what they are thankful for, instead of what is missing, something beautiful happens. Criticism loses volume as tenderness and connection increases. And while gratitude doesn’t ignore challenges, it helps minimize how challenges define your whole relationship.
In our own journey, I’ve learned that expressing appreciation to James lets him know that i don't take him for granted. It reminds James that his contributions matter. And the same for me. And that’s why I started the 10-day gratitude challenge.