Love That Chooses to Stay Through Conflict
Every couple argues. Even the most loving, faithful, God-centered marriages have moments when conflict occurs and sparks fly - and not the romantic kind of sparks. Couples who endure are not the ones who avoid arguing. Couples who endure are the ones who refuse to stop choosing each other.
James and I often tell couples in counseling that love is not a one-time “I do.” It’s a lifetime of “I still do,” spoken in a thousand small ways — through forgiveness, patience, laughter, and loyalty. Your commitment is eternal. When you keep choosing love, feelings follow and connection deepens because love practiced becomes love felt.
“Let all that you do be done in love.” — 1 Corinthians 16:14
The Power of Choosing Love in Conflict
“Above all, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:14)
When love feels effortless, it’s pleasant. But when love feels costly, it’s powerful. And when we choose to love in those difficult moments, in the midst of conflict, we are not just preserving our marriages but are reflecting the heart of God whose love for us never depends on how lovable we are.
Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, who has studied marriages for over 40 years, discovered that couples who are successful don’t avoid conflict but choose kindness, patience, and respect in moments when anger or pride could take over. Studies show the heartbeat of lasting marriages is
Choosing Love Every Day (Even when the feeling fades)
Let's continue to explore God's model of love for you to experience happy, healthy marriages that last because your foundation is strong. Feelings change and can’t be trusted as a foundation of love. But God’s design for love is based on an act of will and sacrifice, not fleeting desire. The most important element of this concept is an intentional decision to love in contrast to automatic feelings that you can't control.
James and I know how important understanding this model is for couples to create lasting relationships. We both experienced the pain of divorce. I'm not trying to minimize any marital situation that has caused anyone to consider divorce. I just want to encourage couples never to use a permanent solution to resolve a temporary problem. Couples will have conflict, difficulty, and seasons of disconnect. This is when every decision we make can strengthen our bonds of covenant despite the emotion we are temporarily experiencing. Feelings are fickle. If love depended on emotion alone, even the strongest relationships would crumble under life’s weight.