Living Your Vows
Real talk: Think of traditional vows like the foundation of a home. On the outside, you see beauty represented by the landscape, architectural style, and color. This is represented by your ceremony, the rings, the reception. But underneath the look and beauty is where the important components exist. Foundational essentials include the beams, structure, and intentional design holding everything together. On our blog and social, we’ve been expanding our understanding of ceremony symbols, vows, and popular wedding traditions. In this blog, we’re gently pulling back the curtain on all the promises traditional wedding vows include.
For the most part, traditional vows include, more or less, the following promises. Some couples add their own vows, but many ceremonies include “I take thee, to be my wedded wife (husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”
Allow me to go backwards for us to understand the part of our vows that shows respect and honor. It’s the verbiage in the vow that indicates the bride, or groom, is entering sacred covenant publicly, intentionally, emotionally, spiritually, and legally. In fact, some couples recite this part of their vows with the word “lawful” added (lawful wedded wife, lawful wedded husband). The word lawful matters. It means this relationship is no longer casual, private, temporary, or undefined.
The word wedded means joined. Not temporarily connected but joined to be inseparable. You are connected in such a way where your life, your decisions, everything about you is now connected to the recipient of your vow. Real talk, marriage is the merging of lives. This is why selfishness becomes dangerous in marriage. Because once lives are joined, selfish decisions result in shared pain.
We’ve already explored vows through for better, for worse. Our next post, we’ll begin with for richer, for poorer. I would love to hear your thoughts about everything we’ve reviewed so far, and even, thoughts about vows overall. How do you honor your vows as you live in covenant.
Does passion sustain itself alone?
I hope you missed me delivering my weekly blog. I was without my laptop mid-March and just decided it was too much to update this blog via phone (I’m still very old school). But I’m back. I'm excited about April blogs. We have a lot of good things to share. Let’s start this off talking a little more about passion in marriage. To have passion, chemistry must exist, right? Wrong.
Chemistry is magnetic. It pulls you in without effort. But what many couples eventually discover is that while chemistry is instant, presence, connection, and partnership is built over time. Partnership steadies love. This kind of steady love is lasting because it’s achieved through time spent building something special together. This kind of love includes patience with each other’s differences and most importantly, being fully present in the process. One of the things you will appreciate most about intentional presence is how passion matures as a result of it. Yes, passion.
While James and I had the natural passion that exists with good chemistry, we also experienced the deep passion that grows, lasts, and isn’t always rushed, but expected to be savored over a lifetime. A relationship full of passion is one of the greatest benefits of marriage. While sex is not the only consideration when you have a passionate relationship, your intimacy is so much better when you can guiltlessly satisfy the burn Paul talks about in I Corinthians 7.9 within covenant marriage. Real talk couples, really think about this. As your marriage becomes stronger, your love and passion become stronger as well. Imagine how great your passion is as you grow together over the years. Nothing we have sustains itself so don’t be confused about your role in the process. Every area of your marriage requires being intentional.
Reflection:
Work on a shared goal this week then pause and celebrate it together, fully present, with time, and permission to passionately show up for one another.
Also ask yourself: Are we giving your love time to grow or expecting it to sustain itself?
Prayer:
God, help us build a partnership rooted in patience and presence, where our love and passion can grow over time. Amen.
Prayer Between Spouses is Powerful
Real talk family. Many couples say they believe in prayer. However, few actually pray together consistently. Not because they don’t want to but because it can feel unfamiliar, vulnerable or even awkward.
Do you pray together as a couple?
Prayer between spouses is powerful. When couples pray together, something shifts. It becomes harder to stay resentful or distant. It becomes hard to see one another as opponents. When you pray together, you lower your defenses. It ensures God is a part of your marriage. Prayer invites God into your lives, everyday, whether in the midst of happy times or struggles. Additionally, you remind each other that you are on the same team. Even a simple, “Lord, help us today,” creates spiritual alignment because prayer isn’t about eloquence. It not about length or wordiness or about perfection. Praying together is simply about unity.
James and I have had seasons where our prayers were long and intentional, and seasons where they were short and whispered. Both mattered. The strength wasn’t in the wording. It was in the willingness.
Prayer turns two individuals into one unit again. If praying together feels uncomfortable, start small. Hold hands and pray one sentence each. Simplicity builds confidence. Lord, teach us to come before You together. Remove hesitation and replace it with unity. Strengthen our marriage as we seek